Notebook Entries
Notebook 1
"On Concealed Weapons and Stalking."
Is a stalking victim carrying a weapon putting them at risk?
There are two angles to this I would like to explore. Is it just stalking victims that are most affected by the laws to have a waiting period for concealed weapons permits for victims and does the victim having a gun also put a weapon within reach of someone who might otherwise not be able to obtain one?
I do not know what it is like to be stalked, but I know many who have. This is a heated topic and I have many friends who have also been shot by their abusers or stalkers and lived to tell about it. Weapons being carried by victims as protection could also put that very same weapon in the hands of the very person they are protecting themselves from.
This topic might not fully fit some of the questions asked but I will do my best to make this as understandable and as logical as possible. I will explore Utah and National interest in this as Utah just passed a law (not in effect yet), that a victim of domestic violence does not have to wait the waiting period for a concealed carry permit, that they may conceal their weapon before any training, education or knowledge of how to even use their weapon. I want to explore how this affects victims both on a positive aspect and on a negative one as well.
Is a stalking victim carrying a weapon putting them at risk?
There are two angles to this I would like to explore. Is it just stalking victims that are most affected by the laws to have a waiting period for concealed weapons permits for victims and does the victim having a gun also put a weapon within reach of someone who might otherwise not be able to obtain one?
I do not know what it is like to be stalked, but I know many who have. This is a heated topic and I have many friends who have also been shot by their abusers or stalkers and lived to tell about it. Weapons being carried by victims as protection could also put that very same weapon in the hands of the very person they are protecting themselves from.
This topic might not fully fit some of the questions asked but I will do my best to make this as understandable and as logical as possible. I will explore Utah and National interest in this as Utah just passed a law (not in effect yet), that a victim of domestic violence does not have to wait the waiting period for a concealed carry permit, that they may conceal their weapon before any training, education or knowledge of how to even use their weapon. I want to explore how this affects victims both on a positive aspect and on a negative one as well.
Notebook 2 01/26/2018
Write objectively about divisions on your issue from three different perspectives. (PRI stories, NPR report, etc.) Once you have done this, look back on what you have written and determine what story you should tell/are invited to tell on the issue. Try creating a visual, audio, etc. collage of these different perspectives to help you determine where there are invitations for stories.
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This particular issue came up when victims of domestic violence wanted to undo the 60 day waiting period to obtain a concealed weapons permit so that they could conceal a gun legally without alarming individuals when they see a firearm. They have attempted a few times to have this wait period waived but it has failed to make it all the way through.
According to Giffords Law Center (1) background checks are conducted on individuals buying a gun from a licensed dealer but Utah does not require a background check when transferring guns between unlicensed individuals. Utah also does not require dealers to obtain a state license, require gun owners to obtain a license, nor report lost or stolen firearms. There is no mention in this publication about the waiting period once you obtain a gun, and want a concealed permit. I did find through the Bureau of Criminal Investigations in Utah that once you have a concealed firearm permit, you can carry a concealed fully loaded firearm into public schools but not into federal or state restricted areas or a church or residence or anywhere it is posted that it is prohibited.This means that you can carry a gun in a park, at a concert, at soccer practice, in a venue where there are a lot of people and places there is a lot of children. The argument was that in these places it would cause more panic to see the gun than if it was in a purse or in a concealed holster.
The Atlantic (2) wrote an article about this same issue. They however, felt that having a gun in the house does not make a victim safer. In fact it gives access to a gun to someone who most likely isn’t legally able to obtain a gun and many women can be overpowered by their abusers and then have the gun used against them. This has happened many times and is just one angle of the argument.
Another argument on this subject is that women who have stalkers or abusers going through the judicial system or those who have left their abusers fear for their lives and want to carry a gun for protection for themselves and their families. They are forced to choose to carry a gun open in public as they wait for their concealed permit, or simply to just not have it on them. Often the situation with the abuser is immediate thus a 60 day wait period could be too late.
One particular woman fought to get the bill passed to allow victims to conceal as they wait for the permit because she feared her ex-husband would follow through on his many threats to kill her and their kids. (3) In the same article, the opposing side came to light. Anne Bagley, who survived the mass shooting at Trolley Square 11 years ago said the bill would allow dangerous people to easily carry concealed loaded weapons into public places who have not passed a background check or even taken the safety training to carry loaded weapon.
As I sat inside the house committee room as this issue was up for vote in 2017 I learned both sides of this. As a domestic violence advocate here in Utah I recognize the need for women to carry a gun. I personally do not but I know many, not just in this state who do. I also have friends who have been shot by their abusers and survived. They are strongly against anything that would make it easier for anyone to get a gun.
There is currently NO waiting period to purchase a gun in Utah. Waiting periods or “cool off” periods were designed to stop people purchasing a gun for an impulse decision like suicide or harming others. There seems to be quite the mixed bag of sides when it comes to this bill. I presume it will come up again and again with revisions before we find a way to take all these concerns into account.
I signed up for Canva (4) for graphics and other mediums but it seems a bit overwhelming. My topic would benefit greatly from graphics because it can really help illustrate what each side of this issue is. I will try to spend some time learning this program. We have a graphics department here at work and I plan on asking them about this site on Monday. Not sure any of the other mediums besides a slideshow would work with this serious of a topic.
1.http://lawcenter.giffords.org/waiting-periods-in-utah/
2. http://gunvictimsaction.org/news/dont-ask-the-nra-about-women-shot-with-their-own-guns/
3. http://archive.sltrib.com/article.php?id=4941492&itype=CMSID
4. https://www.canva.com/onboarding-wizard?userCreated=true&authMode=google
Write objectively about divisions on your issue from three different perspectives. (PRI stories, NPR report, etc.) Once you have done this, look back on what you have written and determine what story you should tell/are invited to tell on the issue. Try creating a visual, audio, etc. collage of these different perspectives to help you determine where there are invitations for stories.
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This particular issue came up when victims of domestic violence wanted to undo the 60 day waiting period to obtain a concealed weapons permit so that they could conceal a gun legally without alarming individuals when they see a firearm. They have attempted a few times to have this wait period waived but it has failed to make it all the way through.
According to Giffords Law Center (1) background checks are conducted on individuals buying a gun from a licensed dealer but Utah does not require a background check when transferring guns between unlicensed individuals. Utah also does not require dealers to obtain a state license, require gun owners to obtain a license, nor report lost or stolen firearms. There is no mention in this publication about the waiting period once you obtain a gun, and want a concealed permit. I did find through the Bureau of Criminal Investigations in Utah that once you have a concealed firearm permit, you can carry a concealed fully loaded firearm into public schools but not into federal or state restricted areas or a church or residence or anywhere it is posted that it is prohibited.This means that you can carry a gun in a park, at a concert, at soccer practice, in a venue where there are a lot of people and places there is a lot of children. The argument was that in these places it would cause more panic to see the gun than if it was in a purse or in a concealed holster.
The Atlantic (2) wrote an article about this same issue. They however, felt that having a gun in the house does not make a victim safer. In fact it gives access to a gun to someone who most likely isn’t legally able to obtain a gun and many women can be overpowered by their abusers and then have the gun used against them. This has happened many times and is just one angle of the argument.
Another argument on this subject is that women who have stalkers or abusers going through the judicial system or those who have left their abusers fear for their lives and want to carry a gun for protection for themselves and their families. They are forced to choose to carry a gun open in public as they wait for their concealed permit, or simply to just not have it on them. Often the situation with the abuser is immediate thus a 60 day wait period could be too late.
One particular woman fought to get the bill passed to allow victims to conceal as they wait for the permit because she feared her ex-husband would follow through on his many threats to kill her and their kids. (3) In the same article, the opposing side came to light. Anne Bagley, who survived the mass shooting at Trolley Square 11 years ago said the bill would allow dangerous people to easily carry concealed loaded weapons into public places who have not passed a background check or even taken the safety training to carry loaded weapon.
As I sat inside the house committee room as this issue was up for vote in 2017 I learned both sides of this. As a domestic violence advocate here in Utah I recognize the need for women to carry a gun. I personally do not but I know many, not just in this state who do. I also have friends who have been shot by their abusers and survived. They are strongly against anything that would make it easier for anyone to get a gun.
There is currently NO waiting period to purchase a gun in Utah. Waiting periods or “cool off” periods were designed to stop people purchasing a gun for an impulse decision like suicide or harming others. There seems to be quite the mixed bag of sides when it comes to this bill. I presume it will come up again and again with revisions before we find a way to take all these concerns into account.
I signed up for Canva (4) for graphics and other mediums but it seems a bit overwhelming. My topic would benefit greatly from graphics because it can really help illustrate what each side of this issue is. I will try to spend some time learning this program. We have a graphics department here at work and I plan on asking them about this site on Monday. Not sure any of the other mediums besides a slideshow would work with this serious of a topic.
1.http://lawcenter.giffords.org/waiting-periods-in-utah/
2. http://gunvictimsaction.org/news/dont-ask-the-nra-about-women-shot-with-their-own-guns/
3. http://archive.sltrib.com/article.php?id=4941492&itype=CMSID
4. https://www.canva.com/onboarding-wizard?userCreated=true&authMode=google
Notebook 3 02/03/2018
Use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and/or Pinterest as a way to explore how people communicate messages/information about your issue. Try posting some information about your issue and then pose some questions to your audience. What happened? Explain why you think you received the answers/feedback that you received. Create a Wordle word cloud with all of the responses OR create a collage of the photographs and other information that was offered.
So I put out the article about the bill on my social media and I asked for opinions. Legislature tends to scare people.. They do not like to talk about it nor do they like to spark controversy about guns. I had a conversation on the post with Rep. Adam Gardiner (no relationship to me). He was in the room when the bill was presented:
Here was the post and the comments with Rep Gardiner.
This is an edited Tribune article about being allowed to conceal a gun before you get your concealed carry permit in Utah: I need opinions..
NOT ARGUMENTS.(BTW) this did not end up passing....(this was written in March 2017)
A bill by Rep. Lee Perry, R-Perry, seeks to overcome objections that Gov. Gary Herbert voiced when he vetoed legislation in 2013 that would have allowed carrying concealed guns without a permit.
He added, "This is all about allowing law-abiding citizens to carry guns to promote peace, not violence."
He also said law-abiding residents use concealed guns to "promote safety."
Rep. Sandra Hollins, D-Salt Lake City, disagreed. She said anyone who carries a concealed gun should have proper training that now comes with classes required for permits.
Perry argued his bill also would allow those threatened by domestic violence to buy and use concealed weapons quickly.
He noted that in an earlier hearing, Heather Wolsey said her ex-husband almost killed her and abused their six children. When told he had been released from jail and that police had lost track of him, "I went out and bought a gun. And I broke the law because I carried it with me" in a purse.
She "later" took a concealed-carry permit class and applied for a permit in September. She finally received her permit in the mail in February. "Other victims should not have to wait that amount of time to protect themselves," she said.
But Anne Bagley, a survivor of the 2007 Trolley Square mass shooting, representing Moms Demand Act, opposed the bill at the hearing.
"HB237 potentially allows dangerous people to easily carry concealed loaded weapons in our state in public places, such as Trolley Square," Bagley said, and "allows people who have not passed a background check or have proper safety training to carry loaded weapons around children and all of us."
[email protected]
Adam Gardiner Her background check argument is interesting, as I remember this well in my Committee. Most of the arguments against this had to do with background checks. But currently you can carry openly without a background check/permit so this argument never resonated with me. Where the background check comes in is when purchasing a gun. If you buy a gun from any licensed dealer online, in a store, or at a gun show you already have to pass a background check.
Jennifer Franklin Gardiner Someone mentioned this to me the other day.. is the background check to buy at a dealer or gun show more or less than the BCI background check for concealed carry ?Jennifer Franklin Gardiner And also the concealed permit might be the only background done for someone who buys the gun online ? From an individual ?
Adam Gardiner Jennifer Franklin Gardiner if you already go through the permit process then it’s much quicker to purchase a gun. If you don’t have a permit then they have to run a full background check through the FBI
Adam Gardiner Jennifer Franklin Gardiner the background only applies to licensed dealers. If I buy a gun from my neighbor then there is no background check
Jennifer Franklin Gardiner So would this bill potentially have had people concealing weapons before any background? That was the opposing side ? This is just for an English paper on the subject and so little is known about it.
Adam Gardiner Jennifer Franklin Gardiner yes. And right now you carry them openly without a background check.
Jennifer Franklin Gardiner Okay that was what I was thinking
Jennifer Franklin Gardiner I may reach out to you with other questions if that’s okay ?
I also got this comment from a childhood friend:
Catherine Whitman Its my opinion that gun control hurts more people than it helps. Law abiding citizens are following the laws. Criminals are not and never will. Guns detour violence. Guns are a tool just as a hatchet or a broom. They serve a purpose. To provide protection and food. The second amendment says the right to bear arms and it says shall not be infringed. I wish I would have had my gun when I was attacked but I was waiting for my concealed. I respectfully followed the law and paid for it dearly.
Jennifer Franklin Gardiner Catherine Whitman Good insight. Thank you.
Catherine Whitman It was. Being a neighboring state I've been trying to follow. We love to travel and part of being responsible gun owner you need to know the laws of each state before taking your weapons.
Adam Gardiner Catherine Whitman that’s a great point. Reciprocity is the biggest issue for me. If we do anything to alter our laws that affect our permits in other states then we should be more skeptical
Jennifer Franklin Gardiner Okay so is there any feeling both as a victim as a legislature that would steer you otherwise ? A couple of other points of the bill. 1. more criminals tend to conceal... would this be potentially placing more danger to society ? and 2. what about the necessary training for those who are legally allowed to have a gun. Isn't gun rights also about being trained and fully knowledgeable of how to handle a concealed weapon ? Eliminating the waiting period would have law abiding (but maybe uneducated) individuals with guns in their pockets and purses. Just asking for thoughts
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I researched the bill and found out it did not pass but there were amendments that needed to be worked on. In this conversation with Rep Gardiner, I discovered that the bottom line was carrying a concealed weapon legally without a background and open carry without a background (which is already legal). The controversy seems to be about the background but he didn’t see the difference necessarily. I however do. Open carry makes others aware there is a gun in a public place and concealed does not. That was concerning to victims of mass shootings who said there was no warning when someone pulls a gun out of nowhere.
Those who are in strong favor or open carry note that criminals usually conceal their weapons, a stark contrast to the law-abiding citizens who display their sidearms. [1] So if this is the case, and is historically and statistically true, closing the ability to conceal carry without a permit could open the door for more criminals to legally conceal. While felons are not allowed to have weapons, there are many shooters who have little to no background prohibiting this and the bill could potentially allow new criminals who are planning a master attack or even a personal vengeance to get into a public arena with a weapon concealed.
1. Pierce, John (April 15, 2010). "Why 'Open Carry' Gun Laws Work". US News and World Report. Retrieved October 26,2011.
Use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and/or Pinterest as a way to explore how people communicate messages/information about your issue. Try posting some information about your issue and then pose some questions to your audience. What happened? Explain why you think you received the answers/feedback that you received. Create a Wordle word cloud with all of the responses OR create a collage of the photographs and other information that was offered.
So I put out the article about the bill on my social media and I asked for opinions. Legislature tends to scare people.. They do not like to talk about it nor do they like to spark controversy about guns. I had a conversation on the post with Rep. Adam Gardiner (no relationship to me). He was in the room when the bill was presented:
Here was the post and the comments with Rep Gardiner.
This is an edited Tribune article about being allowed to conceal a gun before you get your concealed carry permit in Utah: I need opinions..
NOT ARGUMENTS.(BTW) this did not end up passing....(this was written in March 2017)
A bill by Rep. Lee Perry, R-Perry, seeks to overcome objections that Gov. Gary Herbert voiced when he vetoed legislation in 2013 that would have allowed carrying concealed guns without a permit.
He added, "This is all about allowing law-abiding citizens to carry guns to promote peace, not violence."
He also said law-abiding residents use concealed guns to "promote safety."
Rep. Sandra Hollins, D-Salt Lake City, disagreed. She said anyone who carries a concealed gun should have proper training that now comes with classes required for permits.
Perry argued his bill also would allow those threatened by domestic violence to buy and use concealed weapons quickly.
He noted that in an earlier hearing, Heather Wolsey said her ex-husband almost killed her and abused their six children. When told he had been released from jail and that police had lost track of him, "I went out and bought a gun. And I broke the law because I carried it with me" in a purse.
She "later" took a concealed-carry permit class and applied for a permit in September. She finally received her permit in the mail in February. "Other victims should not have to wait that amount of time to protect themselves," she said.
But Anne Bagley, a survivor of the 2007 Trolley Square mass shooting, representing Moms Demand Act, opposed the bill at the hearing.
"HB237 potentially allows dangerous people to easily carry concealed loaded weapons in our state in public places, such as Trolley Square," Bagley said, and "allows people who have not passed a background check or have proper safety training to carry loaded weapons around children and all of us."
[email protected]
Adam Gardiner Her background check argument is interesting, as I remember this well in my Committee. Most of the arguments against this had to do with background checks. But currently you can carry openly without a background check/permit so this argument never resonated with me. Where the background check comes in is when purchasing a gun. If you buy a gun from any licensed dealer online, in a store, or at a gun show you already have to pass a background check.
Jennifer Franklin Gardiner Someone mentioned this to me the other day.. is the background check to buy at a dealer or gun show more or less than the BCI background check for concealed carry ?Jennifer Franklin Gardiner And also the concealed permit might be the only background done for someone who buys the gun online ? From an individual ?
Adam Gardiner Jennifer Franklin Gardiner if you already go through the permit process then it’s much quicker to purchase a gun. If you don’t have a permit then they have to run a full background check through the FBI
Adam Gardiner Jennifer Franklin Gardiner the background only applies to licensed dealers. If I buy a gun from my neighbor then there is no background check
Jennifer Franklin Gardiner So would this bill potentially have had people concealing weapons before any background? That was the opposing side ? This is just for an English paper on the subject and so little is known about it.
Adam Gardiner Jennifer Franklin Gardiner yes. And right now you carry them openly without a background check.
Jennifer Franklin Gardiner Okay that was what I was thinking
Jennifer Franklin Gardiner I may reach out to you with other questions if that’s okay ?
I also got this comment from a childhood friend:
Catherine Whitman Its my opinion that gun control hurts more people than it helps. Law abiding citizens are following the laws. Criminals are not and never will. Guns detour violence. Guns are a tool just as a hatchet or a broom. They serve a purpose. To provide protection and food. The second amendment says the right to bear arms and it says shall not be infringed. I wish I would have had my gun when I was attacked but I was waiting for my concealed. I respectfully followed the law and paid for it dearly.
Jennifer Franklin Gardiner Catherine Whitman Good insight. Thank you.
Catherine Whitman It was. Being a neighboring state I've been trying to follow. We love to travel and part of being responsible gun owner you need to know the laws of each state before taking your weapons.
Adam Gardiner Catherine Whitman that’s a great point. Reciprocity is the biggest issue for me. If we do anything to alter our laws that affect our permits in other states then we should be more skeptical
Jennifer Franklin Gardiner Okay so is there any feeling both as a victim as a legislature that would steer you otherwise ? A couple of other points of the bill. 1. more criminals tend to conceal... would this be potentially placing more danger to society ? and 2. what about the necessary training for those who are legally allowed to have a gun. Isn't gun rights also about being trained and fully knowledgeable of how to handle a concealed weapon ? Eliminating the waiting period would have law abiding (but maybe uneducated) individuals with guns in their pockets and purses. Just asking for thoughts
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I researched the bill and found out it did not pass but there were amendments that needed to be worked on. In this conversation with Rep Gardiner, I discovered that the bottom line was carrying a concealed weapon legally without a background and open carry without a background (which is already legal). The controversy seems to be about the background but he didn’t see the difference necessarily. I however do. Open carry makes others aware there is a gun in a public place and concealed does not. That was concerning to victims of mass shootings who said there was no warning when someone pulls a gun out of nowhere.
Those who are in strong favor or open carry note that criminals usually conceal their weapons, a stark contrast to the law-abiding citizens who display their sidearms. [1] So if this is the case, and is historically and statistically true, closing the ability to conceal carry without a permit could open the door for more criminals to legally conceal. While felons are not allowed to have weapons, there are many shooters who have little to no background prohibiting this and the bill could potentially allow new criminals who are planning a master attack or even a personal vengeance to get into a public arena with a weapon concealed.
1. Pierce, John (April 15, 2010). "Why 'Open Carry' Gun Laws Work". US News and World Report. Retrieved October 26,2011.
Notebook 4
Write a flash memoir or audio essay modeled on the style of Einstein's "The World as I See It." What particulars of the issue do you, through your own experiences and areas of expertise, view especially clearly? What fundamental understanding about the world do these lead you to have? Mention the sources that have helped you achieve this understanding and explain how they helped shape that understanding.
I have been on both sides of the fence on this social justice issue. On one hand I want victims to be able to protect themselves immediately. We have all understood that a piece of paper (protective order) is not going to help you if your life is in danger. So many feel they want to protect themselves during the hardest times of their lives. On the other hand, one person in particular, is too traumatized to be carrying a gun. I believe she would be the type of person who would use the gun against her ex-husband even if he wasn’t threatening her because of their past.
My profile was on a woman whose life has been threatened multiple times. Nicole Beverly lives in Michigan, just like here, they have the same guidelines for concealed carry. You have to have a permit, which comes with a background check and training in order to conceal but you can open carry without either of these. She has had training, she understands how to use her weapon and she has common sense about her because it has been years that her abuser has been incarcerated.
Heather Wolsey, of Utah Co. is one who supported this bill. Her ex is also incarcerated but he had absconded parole and was out in public hiding. He was a real threat to her and she wanted to protect herself. Her argument was that she did not want to open carry because it scares people and children in particular to see someone carry a gun. So she illegally carried it in her purse while she waited for her training and background. I do not blame her, I do not think she didn’t have a good reason for doing this but Heather is known throughout the community as someone who is on edge. She goes after people who have been victimized and she lessens their trauma to increase hers and believes because she is working to pass bills, she is more important in the domestic violence fight than other advocates. She is still heavy into her trauma, she suffers from PTSD and she is very angry. She is not the type of person I feel should have any sort of gun. By taking away the wait time for concealed it allows someone like her to carry a gun in her purse without training while in the highest emotional state any victim feels… fear.
After meeting both of these women, after hearing the testimony of one of the Trolley Square victims myself, the world as I see it is very different than what others see. I am years and years outside of my abuse and I never had to run from anyone or hide. I didn’t have to carry a weapon. I almost died one night but to be honest I do not think in the midst of all of that I would have been able to pull out a gun and use it. I see life much more fragile than some. I work in media, writing breaking news. I see and hear way more things than what gets reported. I was living in an abusive marriage and feared him off and on. My mind was a mess, my world was seen through my eyes but a gun would have been the last thing that would have saved me. I would have fumbled, I would have been overpowered, and I could have potentially harmed someone in the crossfire of not knowing how to use it. To be in extreme fear but not level headed which is often the case of victims immediately dealing with an abuser who is not incarcerated, to me smells very disastrous. I am a talker, and I am a doer, and aggressive if I have to be. We need to be tougher on abusers and believe victims more so they can get protection. We need to get them to a safe place while they get training and the victims need to be willing to do whatever it takes to save themselves and their families. Heathers issue was she refused to leave her home or take her kids from their school but yet she wants other to think she is doing all she can to protect herself and her family. Bottom line is that there are other ways to protect yourself while you are getting trained to use a gun and the state can decide if you should legally own one.
Nicole is level headed and smart. She has had time to train and get prepared, something that Heather should be doing now. Going to a gun range, taking all the precautions to be a safe gun owner. She just came across as very emotionally unstable and unable to control fits of anger and venting about the wrong people. She is against what the entire movement is for and she doesn’t even realize it.
I have been on both sides of the fence on this social justice issue. On one hand I want victims to be able to protect themselves immediately. We have all understood that a piece of paper (protective order) is not going to help you if your life is in danger. So many feel they want to protect themselves during the hardest times of their lives. On the other hand, one person in particular, is too traumatized to be carrying a gun. I believe she would be the type of person who would use the gun against her ex-husband even if he wasn’t threatening her because of their past.
My profile was on a woman whose life has been threatened multiple times. Nicole Beverly lives in Michigan, just like here, they have the same guidelines for concealed carry. You have to have a permit, which comes with a background check and training in order to conceal but you can open carry without either of these. She has had training, she understands how to use her weapon and she has common sense about her because it has been years that her abuser has been incarcerated.
Heather Wolsey, of Utah Co. is one who supported this bill. Her ex is also incarcerated but he had absconded parole and was out in public hiding. He was a real threat to her and she wanted to protect herself. Her argument was that she did not want to open carry because it scares people and children in particular to see someone carry a gun. So she illegally carried it in her purse while she waited for her training and background. I do not blame her, I do not think she didn’t have a good reason for doing this but Heather is known throughout the community as someone who is on edge. She goes after people who have been victimized and she lessens their trauma to increase hers and believes because she is working to pass bills, she is more important in the domestic violence fight than other advocates. She is still heavy into her trauma, she suffers from PTSD and she is very angry. She is not the type of person I feel should have any sort of gun. By taking away the wait time for concealed it allows someone like her to carry a gun in her purse without training while in the highest emotional state any victim feels… fear.
After meeting both of these women, after hearing the testimony of one of the Trolley Square victims myself, the world as I see it is very different than what others see. I am years and years outside of my abuse and I never had to run from anyone or hide. I didn’t have to carry a weapon. I almost died one night but to be honest I do not think in the midst of all of that I would have been able to pull out a gun and use it. I see life much more fragile than some. I work in media, writing breaking news. I see and hear way more things than what gets reported. I was living in an abusive marriage and feared him off and on. My mind was a mess, my world was seen through my eyes but a gun would have been the last thing that would have saved me. I would have fumbled, I would have been overpowered, and I could have potentially harmed someone in the crossfire of not knowing how to use it. To be in extreme fear but not level headed which is often the case of victims immediately dealing with an abuser who is not incarcerated, to me smells very disastrous. I am a talker, and I am a doer, and aggressive if I have to be. We need to be tougher on abusers and believe victims more so they can get protection. We need to get them to a safe place while they get training and the victims need to be willing to do whatever it takes to save themselves and their families. Heathers issue was she refused to leave her home or take her kids from their school but yet she wants other to think she is doing all she can to protect herself and her family. Bottom line is that there are other ways to protect yourself while you are getting trained to use a gun and the state can decide if you should legally own one.
Nicole is level headed and smart. She has had time to train and get prepared, something that Heather should be doing now. Going to a gun range, taking all the precautions to be a safe gun owner. She just came across as very emotionally unstable and unable to control fits of anger and venting about the wrong people. She is against what the entire movement is for and she doesn’t even realize it.
NOTEBOOK 5
Practice making your writing more concise. Select two paragraphs from a text you've recently written; use this website to rewrite the paragraphs https://writingstyle.wikispaces.com/Lesson+7+-+Concision. Write one more paragraph, describing the strategies you used for concision.
Old paragraphs:
I have been on both sides of the fence on this social justice issue. On one hand I want victims to be able to protect themselves immediately. We have all understood that a piece of paper (protective order) is not going to help you if your life is in danger. So many feel they want to protect themselves during the hardest times of their lives. On the other hand, one person in particular, is too traumatized to be carrying a gun. I believe she would be the type of person who would use the gun against her ex-husband even if he wasn’t threatening her because of their past.
My profile was on a woman whose life has been threatened multiple times. Nicole Beverly lives in Michigan, just like here, they have the same guidelines for concealed carry. You have to have a permit, which comes with a background check and training in order to conceal but you can open carry without either of these. She has had training, she understands how to use her weapon and she has common sense about her because it has been years that her abuser has been incarcerated.
New Paragraphs:
I can see both sides of my social justice issue. I want victims to be able to protect themselves, especially because a protective order s not going to help you if your life is in immediate danger. Victims want to protect themselves during the hardest times of their lives. But knowing someone who is too traumatized and suffering from PTSD, she should not be carrying a gun. I believe she would be a danger in any situation until more time has passed.
Nicole Beverly, who lives in Michigan, has lived in fear of her life for years. Michigan has the same concealed carry requirements. In order to get a permit, a background check and training is necessary. Beverly has had training, understands how to use a gun and she has taken the time to heal from her trauma so her emotional state is stable.
--------------------------------------------
This is literally what I do for a living. I take longer press releases and stories of information and rewrite them to make them shorter articles. I have to fine tune sometimes several times to get the main points of the story condensed and understandable. I have not done this with my English writings however because I am not writing them for an article, but for a class and figured that would not sound very good. I didn’t even use the guide, I read it however and it follows the same rules I do so I went ahead and rewrote the two paragraphs. Kinda fun to see if I was able to do what this assignment was asking for without having to actually use the writing style guide.
Practice making your writing more concise. Select two paragraphs from a text you've recently written; use this website to rewrite the paragraphs https://writingstyle.wikispaces.com/Lesson+7+-+Concision. Write one more paragraph, describing the strategies you used for concision.
Old paragraphs:
I have been on both sides of the fence on this social justice issue. On one hand I want victims to be able to protect themselves immediately. We have all understood that a piece of paper (protective order) is not going to help you if your life is in danger. So many feel they want to protect themselves during the hardest times of their lives. On the other hand, one person in particular, is too traumatized to be carrying a gun. I believe she would be the type of person who would use the gun against her ex-husband even if he wasn’t threatening her because of their past.
My profile was on a woman whose life has been threatened multiple times. Nicole Beverly lives in Michigan, just like here, they have the same guidelines for concealed carry. You have to have a permit, which comes with a background check and training in order to conceal but you can open carry without either of these. She has had training, she understands how to use her weapon and she has common sense about her because it has been years that her abuser has been incarcerated.
New Paragraphs:
I can see both sides of my social justice issue. I want victims to be able to protect themselves, especially because a protective order s not going to help you if your life is in immediate danger. Victims want to protect themselves during the hardest times of their lives. But knowing someone who is too traumatized and suffering from PTSD, she should not be carrying a gun. I believe she would be a danger in any situation until more time has passed.
Nicole Beverly, who lives in Michigan, has lived in fear of her life for years. Michigan has the same concealed carry requirements. In order to get a permit, a background check and training is necessary. Beverly has had training, understands how to use a gun and she has taken the time to heal from her trauma so her emotional state is stable.
--------------------------------------------
This is literally what I do for a living. I take longer press releases and stories of information and rewrite them to make them shorter articles. I have to fine tune sometimes several times to get the main points of the story condensed and understandable. I have not done this with my English writings however because I am not writing them for an article, but for a class and figured that would not sound very good. I didn’t even use the guide, I read it however and it follows the same rules I do so I went ahead and rewrote the two paragraphs. Kinda fun to see if I was able to do what this assignment was asking for without having to actually use the writing style guide.
NOTEBOOK 6
Write two lists entitled "What I Know" and "What I Don't Know” about my issue. Develop a list of possible resources that you could help you explore what you “know” and find answers to what you “don’t know” about your issue.
What I know:
1.Utah did not pass the bill that would allow a victim to carry a concealed weapon prior to obtaining the permit.
2. If they were to have passed this bill, it would put concealed weapons legally into public areas before people have training and background checks.
3. Victims are in more danger when any gun is present in the home.
4. Owning a gun has not proven to make you safer and victims could be overpowered by their abusers and have their own guns used against them
5. Some women have gone to prison for shooting their abusers
6. PTSD could possibly trigger a reaction with fear and those experiencing it should not own a weapon
7. Victims feel this is the only way to protect themselves because of the judicial system not having immediate solutions to protect them
What I don’t know:
1.Statistics on people killed by their own guns
2.Statistics on the dangers of PTSD and anxiety causing victims to make poor decisions with weapons
3. How many states don’t have a waiting period for concealed carry weapons
4.How many people are for or against this bill
------------------------------------------------
I know that the easiest way to find out most of this is to research through data sites, crime data and by using search engines and states legislature websites. The part that concerns me is the amount of time that could take. I will continue to research the data.
Write two lists entitled "What I Know" and "What I Don't Know” about my issue. Develop a list of possible resources that you could help you explore what you “know” and find answers to what you “don’t know” about your issue.
What I know:
1.Utah did not pass the bill that would allow a victim to carry a concealed weapon prior to obtaining the permit.
2. If they were to have passed this bill, it would put concealed weapons legally into public areas before people have training and background checks.
3. Victims are in more danger when any gun is present in the home.
4. Owning a gun has not proven to make you safer and victims could be overpowered by their abusers and have their own guns used against them
5. Some women have gone to prison for shooting their abusers
6. PTSD could possibly trigger a reaction with fear and those experiencing it should not own a weapon
7. Victims feel this is the only way to protect themselves because of the judicial system not having immediate solutions to protect them
What I don’t know:
1.Statistics on people killed by their own guns
2.Statistics on the dangers of PTSD and anxiety causing victims to make poor decisions with weapons
3. How many states don’t have a waiting period for concealed carry weapons
4.How many people are for or against this bill
------------------------------------------------
I know that the easiest way to find out most of this is to research through data sites, crime data and by using search engines and states legislature websites. The part that concerns me is the amount of time that could take. I will continue to research the data.
NOTEBOOK 7 3/2/18
Write a letter to one of your sources or to a politician whose ideas you disagree with. Explain, respectfully, why you disagree with their ideas. Explain your own ideas. Discuss where you think compromises could/should be made between you and the audience for your letter.
Rep. Lee Perry
This letter is to the representative who introduced the bill. He actually is a good guy but was misguided by the advocate who keeps trying to change bills because of just her situation. She has a hard time understanding her story isn’t the only one out there and that the bills she is a part of (even one this year that is being retracted) are more dangerous for other victims based on their stories.
Dear Rep Lee Perry,
I wanted to thank you for the time you took to help find ways to help victims of abuse. While I can fully understand how there are many laws that need changing, I want to make sure that you, along with many other reps out there take more time to research and look into the bills about abuse you are introducing.
As a survivor and an advocate for other survivors not just here in this state but across the country, it concerns me that one survivors story is enough for you to say there is an issue, and this is how to fix it. There has to be more council, more education and more initiative to talk to others who know far more about domestic violence than just one woman who is actually hell bent on gaining more notoriety for bills she has nothing to do with, than for actual victims themselves.
The bill I wanted to discuss with you was brought up last year HB 237. Much like HB 177 this year, you also used a self proclaimed advocate, Heather Woolsey to introduce a bill that was primarily based on her story. She said she had to hide a gun in her purse illegally to protect herself as she waited for her concealed carry permit. She has every right to fear her life. I would never take that away from her story but perhaps what you should understand is that not all abuse victims share the same thought process. In fact, Heather Woolsey is more dangerous to victims and survivors than one would recognize.
There is a legal process, while it is very flawed, Heather wanted to take the law into her own hands. She wanted to change the law to benefit her but did anyone consider that Heather’s idea to conceal her weapon meant a woman suffering from PTSD, anxiety and living in fear now has a loaded weapon at hands reach ? What would have happened if her ex was across the street, not armed. Would she have reacted out of her desperation to seek her angry vengeance and then shoot him and then use self defense later because of battered women’s syndrome ? Let me help make it more simple for you. When a victim is still in their trauma, they still cry uncontrollably when they tell their story, they yell, they speak over people and they discredit others for their stories, they are Nowhere near healed enough to be advocating or carrying any sort of a weapon.
Based on her ex husbands record, he would not legally be able to purchase a gun. She makes it a point to let others know she is protecting herself but her ex husband, who was in fact determined to get back at her, could have easily broke into her house, confronted her on the street, been anywhere near her and get his hands on that gun. Putting a gun in her hands does not statistically make her safe, in fact it is just the opposite. Taking a bill, based on one person’s fear is dangerous.
She is dangerous for this community and for domestic violence victims in general. She has no idea how to help others. She is simply trying only benefit herself. That is not how advocacy works.
I beg you to please, in the future, before you introduce any bill about domestic violence that you reach out to the Utah Domestic VIolence Coalition, the YWCA, or any other organization that could help guide you more correctly in understanding these issues better. Again, I do want to thank you for doing what in your mind was important, I believe, unlike Heather, you had the best intentions.
Thank You,
Jen Gardiner
Write a letter to one of your sources or to a politician whose ideas you disagree with. Explain, respectfully, why you disagree with their ideas. Explain your own ideas. Discuss where you think compromises could/should be made between you and the audience for your letter.
Rep. Lee Perry
This letter is to the representative who introduced the bill. He actually is a good guy but was misguided by the advocate who keeps trying to change bills because of just her situation. She has a hard time understanding her story isn’t the only one out there and that the bills she is a part of (even one this year that is being retracted) are more dangerous for other victims based on their stories.
Dear Rep Lee Perry,
I wanted to thank you for the time you took to help find ways to help victims of abuse. While I can fully understand how there are many laws that need changing, I want to make sure that you, along with many other reps out there take more time to research and look into the bills about abuse you are introducing.
As a survivor and an advocate for other survivors not just here in this state but across the country, it concerns me that one survivors story is enough for you to say there is an issue, and this is how to fix it. There has to be more council, more education and more initiative to talk to others who know far more about domestic violence than just one woman who is actually hell bent on gaining more notoriety for bills she has nothing to do with, than for actual victims themselves.
The bill I wanted to discuss with you was brought up last year HB 237. Much like HB 177 this year, you also used a self proclaimed advocate, Heather Woolsey to introduce a bill that was primarily based on her story. She said she had to hide a gun in her purse illegally to protect herself as she waited for her concealed carry permit. She has every right to fear her life. I would never take that away from her story but perhaps what you should understand is that not all abuse victims share the same thought process. In fact, Heather Woolsey is more dangerous to victims and survivors than one would recognize.
There is a legal process, while it is very flawed, Heather wanted to take the law into her own hands. She wanted to change the law to benefit her but did anyone consider that Heather’s idea to conceal her weapon meant a woman suffering from PTSD, anxiety and living in fear now has a loaded weapon at hands reach ? What would have happened if her ex was across the street, not armed. Would she have reacted out of her desperation to seek her angry vengeance and then shoot him and then use self defense later because of battered women’s syndrome ? Let me help make it more simple for you. When a victim is still in their trauma, they still cry uncontrollably when they tell their story, they yell, they speak over people and they discredit others for their stories, they are Nowhere near healed enough to be advocating or carrying any sort of a weapon.
Based on her ex husbands record, he would not legally be able to purchase a gun. She makes it a point to let others know she is protecting herself but her ex husband, who was in fact determined to get back at her, could have easily broke into her house, confronted her on the street, been anywhere near her and get his hands on that gun. Putting a gun in her hands does not statistically make her safe, in fact it is just the opposite. Taking a bill, based on one person’s fear is dangerous.
She is dangerous for this community and for domestic violence victims in general. She has no idea how to help others. She is simply trying only benefit herself. That is not how advocacy works.
I beg you to please, in the future, before you introduce any bill about domestic violence that you reach out to the Utah Domestic VIolence Coalition, the YWCA, or any other organization that could help guide you more correctly in understanding these issues better. Again, I do want to thank you for doing what in your mind was important, I believe, unlike Heather, you had the best intentions.
Thank You,
Jen Gardiner
Notebook 8
3e. First, look at the piece you're currently working on. Who would you say are the most important figures in it? One way to look at this question is to look at the sources you're using as voices, or characters. Another way to look at it is by looking at the points of view you're using. Next, analyze what you've done so far to represent each figure/character/voice. Finally, identify what you need to do to balance the scales--to represent each figure/character/voice fairly or accurately.
There are actually two people that play a role in the current topic I am writing about. The first one Nicole, is a strong and resilient woman who has been terrorized by her ex husband even while he was in prison. She spent years fighting with the system to get justice for herself. Her ex husband was finally charged and sent to prison for 5 years. One thing I need to ask her is when she made the choice to purchase a firearm. I am not fully certain if it was before he went to prison the first time or after because this point would fully matter. Being the person that I know her to be, I have discussed gun issues with her in length but this is the one piece I am missing from her to make her story about having a gun, while fearing for her life, important.
The next person that I do not spend much time talking about is Heather. I am not interested in interviewing her because giving her any attention only fuels her desire to be in the center of the limelight. She isn’t doing her advocate work to help others, she is doing it to draw attention to herself. She has not healed from her trauma and frequently lashes out at the wrong people. She still need to step back, take a breath and then work on her. She purchased a gun before I believe she was ready to own one. This can be scary for a few reasons. I believe she would also be the type of person to shoot her ex husband, even if he wasn’t threatening her life. However I do also feel she had a very valid reason for thinking he was going to attempt to kill her.
Etching the piece between the two characters gives is only identifying the state of mind of a victims who chooses to protect herself. A lot of victims feel the need to find their own ways to protect themselves but not all victims are in a place where they should own a firearm. What I need is to further develop their backgrounds, and their personality types a little better to define the differences so that others can paint a better picture of each of them. I also need to see if I can find their commonalities.
3e. First, look at the piece you're currently working on. Who would you say are the most important figures in it? One way to look at this question is to look at the sources you're using as voices, or characters. Another way to look at it is by looking at the points of view you're using. Next, analyze what you've done so far to represent each figure/character/voice. Finally, identify what you need to do to balance the scales--to represent each figure/character/voice fairly or accurately.
There are actually two people that play a role in the current topic I am writing about. The first one Nicole, is a strong and resilient woman who has been terrorized by her ex husband even while he was in prison. She spent years fighting with the system to get justice for herself. Her ex husband was finally charged and sent to prison for 5 years. One thing I need to ask her is when she made the choice to purchase a firearm. I am not fully certain if it was before he went to prison the first time or after because this point would fully matter. Being the person that I know her to be, I have discussed gun issues with her in length but this is the one piece I am missing from her to make her story about having a gun, while fearing for her life, important.
The next person that I do not spend much time talking about is Heather. I am not interested in interviewing her because giving her any attention only fuels her desire to be in the center of the limelight. She isn’t doing her advocate work to help others, she is doing it to draw attention to herself. She has not healed from her trauma and frequently lashes out at the wrong people. She still need to step back, take a breath and then work on her. She purchased a gun before I believe she was ready to own one. This can be scary for a few reasons. I believe she would also be the type of person to shoot her ex husband, even if he wasn’t threatening her life. However I do also feel she had a very valid reason for thinking he was going to attempt to kill her.
Etching the piece between the two characters gives is only identifying the state of mind of a victims who chooses to protect herself. A lot of victims feel the need to find their own ways to protect themselves but not all victims are in a place where they should own a firearm. What I need is to further develop their backgrounds, and their personality types a little better to define the differences so that others can paint a better picture of each of them. I also need to see if I can find their commonalities.
Notebook 9
How many victims of domestic homicide were killed by being shot?
According to everytownresearch.com:
In an average month, 50 American women are shot to death by intimate partners and Nearly 1 million women alive today have been shot, or shot at, by an intimate partner.
Everytown’s analysis of mass shootings from 2009 to 2016 shows that in 54 percent of mass shootings, the shooters killed intimate partners or other family members.
By restricting anyone with even a misdemeanor domestic assault, battery or abuse, from being able to obtain a weapon, we could significantly reduce the amount of people killed. In many of today’s mass shootings, there is usually a history of domestic abuse. (1) I know that there are so many on one side or the other of the gun rights movement but this is about allowing those who have a history of violent behavior actually using a legally purchased weapon to kill their significant other, families or masses of people. This would also be why so many victims fear for their lives when they attempt to leave abuse, because they legitimately fear for their lives.
According to Everytownreasearch:
From 2009-2016 in the U.S., there have been 156 mass shootings (four or more people killed), resulting in 1,187 victims shot, 848 people killed and 339 people injured during a shooting. Additionally, 66 perpetrators killed themselves after a mass shooting, and 17 suspects were shot and killed by police.
I have friends who have been shot and survived. I have several friends who have lost their loved ones who were shot and killed by their intimate partners. Truly we can see that guns don’t kill but the people behind them do however for those who this subject has hit close to home, they will always be haunted by the thought that if a gun was not so easily purchased, would the outcome of their lives have been different.
This issue is incredibly broad. My topic covers more about a victim of abuse having a gun and how does that make her safer or does it even make her safer ? The percentage of people in Utah who have been killed by guns is higher than other states. According to CNN (2), Utah ranked 19th in the highest amount of Guns were used in at least 38 of those homicides, that is almost 60 percent. 44 % of the 64 deaths were domestic violence related.
Almost everything you can find about domestic related homicides show that the amount of victims killed by guns in domestic violence situations are substantial. In an article written for Huffington Post (3), they stated that 760 women a year are killed by guns shot by their intimate partners. 53 % of all domestic violence homicides are carried out with guns.
I am absolutely certain that if we had better gun control over those allowed to purchase them we would reduce the amount of victims killed each year. One life is worth any change.
How many victims of domestic homicide were killed by being shot?
According to everytownresearch.com:
In an average month, 50 American women are shot to death by intimate partners and Nearly 1 million women alive today have been shot, or shot at, by an intimate partner.
Everytown’s analysis of mass shootings from 2009 to 2016 shows that in 54 percent of mass shootings, the shooters killed intimate partners or other family members.
By restricting anyone with even a misdemeanor domestic assault, battery or abuse, from being able to obtain a weapon, we could significantly reduce the amount of people killed. In many of today’s mass shootings, there is usually a history of domestic abuse. (1) I know that there are so many on one side or the other of the gun rights movement but this is about allowing those who have a history of violent behavior actually using a legally purchased weapon to kill their significant other, families or masses of people. This would also be why so many victims fear for their lives when they attempt to leave abuse, because they legitimately fear for their lives.
According to Everytownreasearch:
From 2009-2016 in the U.S., there have been 156 mass shootings (four or more people killed), resulting in 1,187 victims shot, 848 people killed and 339 people injured during a shooting. Additionally, 66 perpetrators killed themselves after a mass shooting, and 17 suspects were shot and killed by police.
I have friends who have been shot and survived. I have several friends who have lost their loved ones who were shot and killed by their intimate partners. Truly we can see that guns don’t kill but the people behind them do however for those who this subject has hit close to home, they will always be haunted by the thought that if a gun was not so easily purchased, would the outcome of their lives have been different.
This issue is incredibly broad. My topic covers more about a victim of abuse having a gun and how does that make her safer or does it even make her safer ? The percentage of people in Utah who have been killed by guns is higher than other states. According to CNN (2), Utah ranked 19th in the highest amount of Guns were used in at least 38 of those homicides, that is almost 60 percent. 44 % of the 64 deaths were domestic violence related.
Almost everything you can find about domestic related homicides show that the amount of victims killed by guns in domestic violence situations are substantial. In an article written for Huffington Post (3), they stated that 760 women a year are killed by guns shot by their intimate partners. 53 % of all domestic violence homicides are carried out with guns.
I am absolutely certain that if we had better gun control over those allowed to purchase them we would reduce the amount of victims killed each year. One life is worth any change.
NOTEBOOK 11
Write a flash memoir or audio essay modeled on the style of Einstein's "The World as I See It." What particulars of the issue do you, through your own experiences and areas of expertise, view especially clearly? What fundamental understanding about the world do these lead you to have? Mention the sources that have helped you achieve this understanding and explain how they helped shape that understanding.
I guess you could say that my life experiences had lead me to evolve into a little bit of a different “out of the box” type of thinker. Having a near death experience can often change the way you perceive the world. Flashes of your life, your kids and a future you might never see happen spontaneously at the time you think you life might be over. Being almost killed by someone who vowed to protect you makes you see people, and life completely differently than others.
In my subject, about if victims of abuse should have guns, I think often to moments in my life that seems like I needed one of my own. He wasn’t always violent but when he was, there was little I could do to help myself. I was no match for him. He was big in stature and he was very loud when he yelled. He could send shivers down the spine of godzilla. I can see a lot more clear now than I used to and I can also see exactly how many people are lost in their own vision of life.. Wrapped up in their spouses thoughts and demons instead of having the ability to think what they are going through can be changed.
I am so thankful however that I did not have a gun. For a couple of reasons. One, I am certain he would have taken it from me and two I am not sure I would ever be brave enough to use it. You can have a lot of hate for someone who hurts you but legally there isn’t a justification for killing someone who isn’t killing you. The last time he ever hurt me, he nearly killed me. Some abusers have no idea they are capable of taking a life. Some set out to do it on purpose. In my case, he wasn’t seeing his own strength and laced with alcohol and drugs, he wouldn’t be able to just snap out of it. Even in that moment, with his hands around my throat and my broken face … I did not wish death upon him. What I did know was that my survival mattered and I had to find my way through it. Vivid thoughts of my 1 year old son and my two beautiful girls flashed through my mind. What would happen to them if I died? What have I been doing in my life that I would end up dying by murder? What could I do or can I do to change my life should God spare me right then? I remember every thought I had in that 10 minutes of hell. But I also know having a gun in that moment would have been a guarantee I was shot. He would have easily overpowered me, and in that rage, would have killed me.
This is my perspective, this is my experience and this is why I feel the way I do about the world. The little things others overlook I often remember frequently. I buy my own flowers, I love the smell and the purity in the way they look. I send messages of love, and I teach others the power of forgiveness. No longer gripped by abuse, my clarity on what really matters is ten time what it used to be. While it might have been a horrific thing to go through, it literally made me who I am now, and that person is someone I like a lot better than the old me.
Write a flash memoir or audio essay modeled on the style of Einstein's "The World as I See It." What particulars of the issue do you, through your own experiences and areas of expertise, view especially clearly? What fundamental understanding about the world do these lead you to have? Mention the sources that have helped you achieve this understanding and explain how they helped shape that understanding.
I guess you could say that my life experiences had lead me to evolve into a little bit of a different “out of the box” type of thinker. Having a near death experience can often change the way you perceive the world. Flashes of your life, your kids and a future you might never see happen spontaneously at the time you think you life might be over. Being almost killed by someone who vowed to protect you makes you see people, and life completely differently than others.
In my subject, about if victims of abuse should have guns, I think often to moments in my life that seems like I needed one of my own. He wasn’t always violent but when he was, there was little I could do to help myself. I was no match for him. He was big in stature and he was very loud when he yelled. He could send shivers down the spine of godzilla. I can see a lot more clear now than I used to and I can also see exactly how many people are lost in their own vision of life.. Wrapped up in their spouses thoughts and demons instead of having the ability to think what they are going through can be changed.
I am so thankful however that I did not have a gun. For a couple of reasons. One, I am certain he would have taken it from me and two I am not sure I would ever be brave enough to use it. You can have a lot of hate for someone who hurts you but legally there isn’t a justification for killing someone who isn’t killing you. The last time he ever hurt me, he nearly killed me. Some abusers have no idea they are capable of taking a life. Some set out to do it on purpose. In my case, he wasn’t seeing his own strength and laced with alcohol and drugs, he wouldn’t be able to just snap out of it. Even in that moment, with his hands around my throat and my broken face … I did not wish death upon him. What I did know was that my survival mattered and I had to find my way through it. Vivid thoughts of my 1 year old son and my two beautiful girls flashed through my mind. What would happen to them if I died? What have I been doing in my life that I would end up dying by murder? What could I do or can I do to change my life should God spare me right then? I remember every thought I had in that 10 minutes of hell. But I also know having a gun in that moment would have been a guarantee I was shot. He would have easily overpowered me, and in that rage, would have killed me.
This is my perspective, this is my experience and this is why I feel the way I do about the world. The little things others overlook I often remember frequently. I buy my own flowers, I love the smell and the purity in the way they look. I send messages of love, and I teach others the power of forgiveness. No longer gripped by abuse, my clarity on what really matters is ten time what it used to be. While it might have been a horrific thing to go through, it literally made me who I am now, and that person is someone I like a lot better than the old me.
Notebook 12
Respond to these questions, and answer one more:
- What were the notebook activities that made you think differently about a project, or about your writing (or research or revisions)?
- What notebook activities were the most interesting or fun?
- Which notebook entries do you like the best now?
- Which notebook activities might you try again, in other writing circumstances?
Respond to these questions, and answer one more:
- Name three new tools or strategies you now have as a result of doing the notebook activities, ones that you can use with some confidence going forward.