A Utah Families Journey; from Grief to Forgiveness
Martin Family at Jacob's graveside service (Photo Courtesy : Juli Martin Facebook)
WEST JORDAN, UTAH - July 29, 2015 (Gephardt Daily) - When Juli Martin received the call at work from her son saying she needed to come home because something had happened, it never crossed her mind the news she was about to receive would impact her life forever.
"When I pulled up to my house, I could see officers were there waiting. So many different little things went through my head, but when I saw them come to greet me at my door I immediately turned around and started walking back to my car," said Juli. "I told them I didn't want to hear what they were about to tell me. It was then I knew it was going to be bad."
The officers who drove up from Fillmore were there to tell her that her son, Jacob Martin, along with one of his best friends, Kaela Hernandez, had been killed when they were hit head-on by a teen driving the wrong way on the freeway. Juli's other son, Clint, was riding in the front passenger seat. He suffered massive injuries, including five broken ribs, compression fractures of his spine, a ruptured diaphragm, a punctured intestine and collapsed lung.
Juli and Jacob Martin (Photo Courtesy : Juli Martin Facebook)The driver of the other car, 18-year-old Jessie N. Wilkerson of St. George, was pinned under her vehicle. She died the next day. "We were both in the same hospital, her family and ours, and we never crossed paths while they were there," said Juli. "I don't know if they meant to keep us apart for fear of any altercation, but we are just not like that. "
Juli said planning Jacob's funeral while tending to her son Clint in the hospital was a very surreal experience. "I went to walk into the room to look at caskets and I suddenly felt Jacob push me out of the room like I wasn't supposed to be there," said Juli. "I nearly fell as I stepped back through the door and I realized at that moment I was there to pick out a casket that my son would soon be buried in. How could this be real? This wasn't supposed to happen to one of my children."
The Martin family has always been close. There are five siblings, with Clint, 29, being the oldest, followed by Mykel, 27, Jacob, 25, Aaron, 23, and Carli, 20. As kids, Juli taught them about being close and learning to love and support each other. "I told them that until they treated their siblings as well as they do their friends, they couldn't go play with their friends," said Juli. "That lesson was a vital part of the bond they all share. They have always remained very close. It was lessons like those that also taught them not to just love each other unconditionally, but also anyone else that comes into our lives. "
During a private moment in Clint's hospital room when he first woke up, Juli struggled to tell him his brother and Kaela had passed away. "He looked at me and gave me hand signals that he wanted to know about them," said Juli. "I didn't know if I should tell him, I just wasn't sure he was ready to know but I didn't want to keep it from him."
After he took in the news of Jacob and Kaela, Juli said he also asked about the driver of the other car. "I had to tell him, she, too, had passed away. It was all so heartbreaking for him."
When Clint's tubes were removed and he was finally able to speak he told his brother Mykel that he hoped the girls family affected can find peace and hope through these troubled times as well.
For some, forgiveness may seem unthinkable. For Juli and her family, having forgiveness in their hearts came naturally. "We are just not willing to hold onto the anger and bitterness that we could have," said Juli. "Nothing would bring Jacob or Kaela back, and there is another family out there that is hurting over the loss of their loved one."
Some of Jesse Wilkerson's family attended the vigil for Jacob and Kaela and Juli said it was incredibly healing for everyone. "We just embraced them. We all hugged and knew everyone was feeling loss and grief." said Juli. "We need more kindness around us, more love and more compassion for others."
The Martin's fully understand people make mistakes, but they hope others will understand the consequences of the choices they make, like drinking and driving, can have life changing implications. "We may never be able to make sense of this," Juli said. "Forgiveness does not mean that we don't want others to learn from what happened. We do not know why Jessie chose to not call for a ride, why she got behind the wheel of her car and what circumstances led her to driving the wrong way on the freeway. But, we do know that what happened as a result of her actions not only took her life, it took Jacob and Kaela's and altered the course of all of our lives."
Juli also said there are little miracles they have seen since the tragedy, starting with Jacob making a split second decision that saved Clint's life. "They were driving behind a semi and as Jacob went to pass the semi when they saw headlights coming their direction." Clint then told his mom he remembers looking at Jacob just before the impact when Jacob asked why it appeared a car was driving towards them on the freeway. "It was like knowing that would be the last time they would see each other, a moment for Clint that will be frozen in time."
"I have always taught my kids to choose the right, and, in that moment, Jacob turned the wheel to the right in an attempt to avoid the collision," said Juli. "I believe in my heart that his decision to swerve to the right and not the left saved his brother."
Ashley Martin, Clint's wife said that while Clint has a long road to recovery he is making progress physically. "Some days are a lot harder than others. Emotionally it's a lot to deal with. We have so many people helping us," said Ashley. "Clint thinks of Jacob, Kaela and Jessie a lot and has a lot of questions that are unanswered but his heart is big. He would never want anyone to hurt. He knows each one has a family who's suffering."
The Martins will continue to hold onto their memories of Jacob and their friend Kaela as they embrace life without them here in the physical world but hold onto knowing they will see them again one day. "I just hope others learn to be a little kinder, and tell others they love them more often," said Juli. "You never know when it will be the last time you see them."